Fifth Time's A Charm
by OvertlyConcealed
Summary: My family won't accept the fact that I'm single. They have taken it upon themselves to find me the right woman. The problem is every girl is crazier than the last...oh, and there's the small fact that they don't know I'm gay. Edward/Jasper
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. **

* * *

_Here they go again._

I loved my family, don't get me wrong, but they could be a little – how could I put this delicately – _crazy_ at times. The same thing always happened three or four times a year. If I kept track of it, I probably could pin point when it would occur next.

It just so happens that one of those times was now.

The conversation started out normal. We were gathered in the living room after our weekly dinner. My older brother Emmett was giving us an exuberant reenactment of an encounter from work. Apparently, after chasing down a suspect, Emmett was able to lead him back to his squad car, only to find his partner, Tyler Crowley, trying to restrain the suspect's girlfriend while she beat him over the head with an umbrella.

Everyone laughed and I was about to mention a similar story I had witnessed in the ER, when my twin sister Alice piped up, "How about you Edward? Are you seeing anyone now?"

_So it begins…_

Everyone turned to my direction. I just shook my head, knowing full well where this was going to lead.

_Cue my mother._

Esme's face turned from smiling to a frown. "Oh, Edward! We just want you to find someone. You're going to turn twenty-five next week and I really do wish you could meet someone to make you happy."

She looked distraught as she reached down the couch to clutch my father's hand. Carlisle gave her a reassuring smile and gently patted her hand with his own. By their reaction, you would have thought someone died.

I should have known that this would be mentioned. Why does it seem with every birthday and holiday, it's more apparent to everyone else that you are single? Lucky me…

Then quicker than a flash of lightening, her face lit up with excitement. I braced myself.

_Cue the beginning of my torment._

"I know the perfect person for you!"

There it was. I held back my groan. My family liked to consider themselves matchmakers, except for the undeniable fact that they were _horrible _at it. The individuals they would choose were undeniably "out there." I honestly didn't know where they found these people.

"She is such a lovely girl."

Oh and there was the small fact that they didn't know I was gay.

Don't get the wrong idea. My family would accept that about me in a heartbeat. It was just the fact they would be _too_ accepting. The set-ups would increase two-fold. They would have every Tom, Dick and Harry showing up at my door.

If their current set-ups were any indication of what I could expect than I wouldn't missing out on anything.

I shook my head vehemently. "No, no, no, no….no!"

"Ok, come on man. Let's set you up. There's this chick I've seen at the gym that you would love to…." Emmett trailed off when Rosalie's head snapped in his direction. Her glare intensified and it seemed as if he was melting under her intense gaze.

"And by _seen_, I mean from afar. Don't even know what she really looks like. Hear the guys talking about her though."

Rosalie's eyebrow arched and Emmett continued hesitantly, "Don't really listen to them either. I'm too busy trying to stay in shape for my beautiful wife."

"Well Em, I don't know what to say. A…um, "chick" from the gym that you are unaware of what she looks like and haven't really heard anything about her…boy, does she sound perfect!"

"Really?" Emmett straightened up and looked pleased; apparently, not hearing the sarcasm in my voice. "That's great! I'll set it up—"

I caught him off before he could get any more ideas. "No…you won't."

"But—"

"No, Emmett," I growled out.

"Well, I know someone…"

"No, Rosalie. Not happening."

"Honey, we just want to help," Esme stated.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "I know. I just… I don't need anyone's help. I'm fine."

My father raised an eyebrow at me.

"Really, I am. You guys don't really have the best track record with setups."

Besides the obvious fact that the dates were missing certain...parts that I was attracted to, I wouldn't have dated them even if I were straight.

Alice gawked at me. "What? Jessica was nice!"

"She stalked me for two years!"

"Yeah…but she was still _nice_, wasn't she? She left you all those nice gifts and letters."

"Yeah, copies of her wedding vows and her favorite baby names!"

"How nice, a girl who thinks about the future," Esme gushed and clenched Carlisle's hand.

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever happened to her?" Esme asked.

"Last I heard she was arrested for breaking into Mike Newton's home. He and his wife found her sleeping in their bed when they returned home from vacation," Rosalie said, chuckling. Rosalie had despised Jessica ever since high school.

"Oh, poor dear, I should send her a gift basket," Esme stated, thoughtfully.

Emmett huffed loudly. "Edward, just because shorty over there set you up with a crazy, doesn't mean that all the setups were bad."

"Emmett, you tried to set me up with twins…and neither of them even spoke English!" I ran my hand through my hair. "The only English words I could decipher were green card and husband."

"You did what?" Rosalie's voice rang out.

Emmett turned to me wide-eyed. "Ex-ay on the twins-ay."

"Emmett Cullen! Do you really think using Pig Latin will help you now?" Rosalie crossed her arms and scooted down the couch away from Emmett.

"Son, I know _some _of our choices were a little out there but, can you really say that about all of them?"

"Dad, the last person you set me up with was forty-seven years old."

"Ms. Cope is a respected colleague, a very charming woman and light on her feet, if I might add."

"Yes, Dad, I know but…she's forty-seven years old! That's older than Mom."

Carlisle shrugged his shoulder. "You'll learn when you older that some things are better with age…and I'm not talking about wine." He raised both eyebrows at me before turning to mom, who was…blushing?

_What? Oh…come on. _

This just went from bad to worse.

I stood up. "All right, I'm going to leave now."

Everyone started talking at once.

"Come on, I know a real hottie."

"Honey, I'm so worried about you."

"I still have Ms. Cope's number…"

I tugged on my hair, willing my crazy family to stop talking. Unsurprised when that did not work, I brought my fingers to my mouth and whistled.

All talking ceased, along with my sanity.

"No. I am finally putting my foot down." I made sure to look at all of them individually. "No. More. Set. Ups!"

Alice, looking confused, hopped off her chair and walked to the middle of the room. "Edward, call it my keen intuition but it seems to me that you _don't_ want us to set you up anymore."

Everyone joined her in looking shocked at this information, as if it were _new_ information.

I looked at her incredulously, mouth hanging open and all. "Umm, yeah."

She had that look she gets when she was planning something.

"Fine," she stated, simply.

I gawked at her. "Fine?" I looked around the room then back to her. "You're actually agreeing with me?"

_Cue Hell freezing over. _

"Well…" Alice drawled out. "Yes and no."

_Figures…_

"Let's make a deal. We all get one more chance to set you up and if that doesn't work than we won't do it ever again."

I looked at her questioningly. "What's the catch?"

She simply shrugged. "No catch."

I was searching her face for any hint of a lie, however she just looked innocent…maybe a little _too _innocent.

I looked around the room. Everyone seemed to nod their head in agreement.

_Oh, well. If it will get them off my back…what will it hurt?_

_

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_**My first thought was to make this story a one-shot, but decided to see how this works instead. As of now, I don't picture it being more than 10 chapters...but who knows, things may change. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Huge thanks to all those who reviewed and added this story to their alerts! **

**The first "date" is in this chapter. The encounter isn't very long, but I have my reasons for that. lol**

* * *

Was I being too hopeful in thinking my family would forget about our little deal?

Apparently, yes.

It was around 7:00 pm when I returned home from a 12 hour shift at the hospital; the first thing I noticed was the flashing light on my answering machine.

Yes, I still have an old fashioned answering machine. I've had Frank for over three years; we have been through a lot, both good and bad. Call me an old fashion kind of guy but I couldn't just through him aside like that, what kind of guy does that make me?

Apparently, a crazy guy who names his possessions, that's who.

Did I or did I not say we Cullens were crazy? At least I'm a few notches less crazy than the rest.

I threw my keys down on the table and hit the button.

_Hello? Edward, this is your dad, Carlisle Cullen._

I rolled my eyes. As if I needed the clarification.

_I was calling to let you know, I found a lovely lady for you to meet. Don't worry, even though Ms. Cope has been inquiring about you since your last date, I made sure to find a younger counterpart. She was my TA last year and she is a very bright woman. I'm quite sure you will hit it off. _

Unless by "she" he means "he," I'm quite sure we wouldn't be but at least I could get one of these dates over with.

_Her name and number is…_

I quickly grabbed a pen and wrote down her information; and, of course, my father couldn't just leave it at that.

_I know you are capable and a smart young man, but I want to stress to you the benefits of protection. What is the phrase…Don't be a nitwit, wrap your tool!_

I hit my forehead a little _too_ hard. No, that wasn't how the expression went…at all.

_I'm always here for you, if you need anything. I can answer any of your questions. I can help you with the logistics of things, and maybe give you a few pointers. Don't forget Edward, anytime, anyplace. Well, except for the next hour, my lecture is about to start. You can always call your mother, she knows a thing or two about…_

I shut the message off. I didn't need to know how that sentence ended. I looked down at the piece of paper I was clenching in my hand. Now was as good a time as any to get this over with. I searched for Bob; he never was where I left him. Stupid cell phone…

~-~#~-~

After talking with the "potential love of my life," it was decided that we would meet the next day at the coffee shop two minutes from my house. My family actually owns a coffee shop; my mother was the one who ran it, while Rosalie and Alice work there with her. Would I be bringing my "date" there? To put it lightly – hell no. There was no way I would risk having my family interrupt this already torturous event, they would do their best to "help out" the situation. They already think me to be "challenged" in the dating area.

I don't bring anyone home and they think me to be socially inept. Could you believe it? _They _think _I'm _the one lacking normal social skills.

However, I did have my reasons for picking a coffee shop. Why else would a member of my family come in here when they have a place to get coffee for themselves, for free?

Yes, I was an evil genius.

_Cue the long maniac laugh._

I sat down at my regular booth and ordered a cup of coffee. I was _slightly_ addicted to the stuff. Honestly, it would have happened with or without my family owning a shop. How else would I have gotten through nursing school? Sometimes I had to get up at 4:00 am to get to clinical in time.

Trust me. I was someone who you didn't want to see without my cup of coffee.

My "date" was due to arrive any minute. I just had to think of the best way to get this done quickly. I'm pretty decent at reading other people, so I would just pick up on what they wanted out of a guy and just..._not_ be it. I wasn't rude or anything. Most definitely not, Esme would have my head if that were the case. I would just gently steer them in the correct direction. The direction not being gay lil' ol' me.

_Though, just to make it clear, in no way am I little._

I drummed my fingers against the table, waiting for my first date to arrive. I had no clue what she looked like but when we talked on the phone, I briefly told her my description and where to meet me.

I just watched the clock that hung over the cash register as the seconds ticked by.

_Almost one o'clock. 3, 2, 1…_

"Edward Cullen, I presume?" I heard a voice call out. My head whipped around to see a petite woman standing in front of the booth.

_Talk about being precisely on time…_

I stood up to greet her. She stuck her hand out and shook mine with one hard motion. "Angela Weber."

Skipping the pleasantries, she swiftly entered the other side of the booth, and I was left a little dumbfounded. I quickly gained my bearings and returned to my seat.

I regarded her, while she became settled. She placed her overly-sized bag next to her in the booth and rummaged through the contents.

Angela was attractive…for a woman I mean. She had her hair tied back into a tight bun, and wore black-framed glasses. Not everybody could pull off that look, but I must admit, she could do it. I was sure if Emmett was here, he would have mentioned something along the line of "hot librarian look."

All in all, she _seemed_ normal, but I wouldn't let my guard down. I've been caught by surprise before.

I ran my hand through my hair. "So, I hear you worked with my father last year. That you were his teaching assistant?"

_There. Something simple to start out with._

"Yes." Angela pushed her glasses up her nose. "Your father was a bright man. I thoroughly enjoyed working alongside of him."

Wow, a full sentence of normalcy. She had already beaten half of the individuals that I have met. Maybe this encounter wouldn't be entirely unpleasant.

"Well that's good. My father—"

"Edward, let's cut to the chase."

_And so the craziness begins…_

Angela pulled out a handful of papers from her purse and placed them in front of me.

_Oh, dear God. Am I being served? _

I gave her a questioning look as she explained.

"I'm quite the busy women. I'm ambitious and I don't have a lot of spare time," Angela exclaimed.

It was quiet for at least 30 seconds after that.

_Am I supposed to say something? Why is she telling me this? _

"Umm…ok?"

_Wow, I really killed it with that response. _

"I agreed to meet with you so I could see if this would even work on a physical level," she said, matter-of-factly.

My eyebrow raised and I gave her a speculative look. Physical level?

"I find you to be a very attractable male, so I know in that category there will be no issues."

_No issues? Unless you're hiding something quite significant between your legs and your real name is Angelo, there might be a few issues on the physical level._

"Here is a survey that I have put together, a list of questions that I complied to see how we match on all levels. I find it easier this way, so we won't waste each other's time."

_You're got to be kidding me. What does she expect next? A copy of my finances? My fingerprints?_

"If you don't mind filling out the answers, later I will be able to determine if we are compatible."

Angela placed a pen on the pile of papers.

That sounded more like a demand than a statement.

_Oh well._ I just shrugged and picked up a pen.

I eyed the questions. Some of them were basic questions and some of them…not so much. _What do you find attractive in an individual? What turns you on sexually?_

I would have to give her that, Angela was very straightforward.

Ending this date could be a lot easier than I thought. I just needed to put down answers that would make us completely incompatible.

Angela seemed like the conservative type. A grin spread across my face. This was going to be _a lot_ easier than I thought.

Once I started writing, I was a man on a mission; you couldn't force the pen from my hands. At least after today, I would be assured that Carlisle could never set me up again. Then, there would only be four more to go.

_Cue an even longer and louder maniac laugh. _

Angela took another sip of the coffee she ordered. She waited patiently while I completed my dastardly plan.

I knew the crazier the answer, the more likely I wouldn't hear from her again.

_Let's see. What other ridiculous things could I add? Oh, yes!_

I went back to scribbling madly.

_Spanking is a must and when I have been a bad boy, I NEED to be punished. Whips, chains, handcuffs, I just can't get enough of them. Being tied-up, what could be better than that! I will do as you command, mistress._

I nodded my head once when I was done and pushed the papers back across the table. I hoped I got my point across. This was an easy way to let down her without being rude. Maybe it was a little inappropriate….but, nevertheless, it wasn't rude.

Angela scooped up the papers and returned them to her bag.

We both simultaneously stood up. "Thank you for your time, Edward." She took my hand within hers and gave it another strong handshake.

"I will analyze these results and have an answer back to you within a week."

Before I could mumble a bye, she was out the door.

_As far as set-ups go…that could have been a lot worse. _

~-~#~-~

I was on my way home from the coffee shop. You wouldn't think anything could happen within the two minute walk to my house. Any other normal person could make it home without coming across an issue.

Apparently, normal and I parted ways a long time ago.

The one person in the entire world that I didn't want to see turned the corner and started walking in my direction. Hell, I would rather it be crazy-stalker-Jessica than this person.

_It's decided, God must hate me…or maybe he just likes to see me squirm. That must be it…_

I flung my body in-between two buildings and tucked myself behind a trash can.

Was it an overreaction? Maybe. Did that stop me? No.

I made a lot of noise with my actions. Hopefully, no one noticed or cared enough to investigate.

I heard footsteps coming down the alleyway.

_Shit. Maybe if I meow I can convince them I'm an alley cat or something. Please, for the love of God, don't let it be—_

"Oh, Eddie!" The voice rang out. "Is that you?"

_Just great._

I slowly stood up and brushed myself off. This was the last person I wanted to run into. Our last date, if you would even call it that, didn't end so well. And by not ending well, I mean I made my escape without telling them.

The worst thing about it was that it was entirely my fault. I couldn't blame my family for this set-up, it was all on me.

"Oh, hey Jacob."

_This is going to be about ten shades of awkward._

I didn't date…ever. I had a couple of one-night stands. Even that, I didn't do very often. Overall, I've slept with three people. Dating just seemed so…complex. Plus, I wasn't a prime catch for anyone to want a relationship with.

Who would want to date someone, when they wouldn't introduce you to their family? Not a lot of people. How could I expect them to believe that I wasn't embarrassed by them, that I was embarrassed by my insane family?

Let's just say I knew this was the case. My one and only "long term" relationship ended when I wouldn't take it to the "next level," whatever that means. However, that was a long story in itself and I'd rather not talk about James at the moment.

Even if I did get over the fact that my family was nutty than a snickers bar, who was to say my dates wouldn't go running off in the other direction?

I wasn't left with many options. One night stands –the whole _two _of them – seemed like a temporary fix. This was fine with me. I didn't really know how the whole "relationship thing" worked. I just didn't have a lot of experience in that department.

That was what Jacob was. We met at the mall, we went back to his place, and that was the end of it…or so I thought. It wasn't until New Year's Eve that I ran into him downtown. Alice dragged me out for some "fun," according to her, I lacked it in my life. However, right when we arrived at the club, she ran off to find her boyfriend, leaving me alone at the bar.

I'm a lightweight. There was no point in denying it, one drink and you had me singing show tunes. I think New Year's Eve night; I had about five different drinks. Jacob and I ran into each other, one thing led to another…yadda, yadda, yadda…I was sneaking out the back door missing a shoe and displaying a hickey on my neck…you catch my drift.

Jacob was looking at me quizzically when I stepped away from the trash can. His hand was on his hip and it looked as if he were trying to hide a smile.

"Hiding in the closet wasn't enough for you, Eddiekins? You felt the need to hide in a trash can as well?" Jacob squealed out with laughter.

I grimaced at the volume of his voice.

How was I supposed to explain this?

I gripped my hair forcefully. "Umm, no. I just…lost my phone, yes, that's it. My phone fell back here and I came to find it."

_I know, I know. You don't need to tell me._

_Worst. Lie. Ever. _

Jacob just grinned wide. "Sure, sure. How _is_ Bob doing these days?"

Yes…in my drunken ramblings, Jacob found out my habit of naming…well, everything. He said it was cute, that I was cute and a bunch of other stuff I couldn't remember in my drunken state.

"Oh, wonderful, just…peachy."

_Shit! What am I supposed to say in this type of situation? Did he want an apology? Maybe I should make a break for it. This is one conversation you couldn't pay me to partake in. _

Jacob walked towards me. I couldn't back up any more, with the small nuisance of there being a brick wall behind me. Whose bright idea was it to construct a wall here anyways?

Jacob placed his hand on my chest.

"So. Eddie…"

"Edward."

"…how have you been? Haven't seen you in over a month? Did I mention what an adorable drunk you are?"

_I need to come up with a fool-proof plan on how to get out of here. _

"Oh, you know this and that." I tried to look anywhere but his face, which was hard to accomplish due to the close proximity. "Oh! Would you look at the time?"

Jacob giggled. "Oh, Eddie."

"Edward."

"I just love when you play hard to get."

Apparently, my fool-proof plan of mentioning the time didn't get me out of this awkward meeting. Also, according to Jacob, it appears that "not interested" and "hard to get" was the same thing.

"I'm not playing hard to get."

Jacob, apparently ignoring my comment, grinned wider and leaned even closer.

"Originally, I thought you were just looking for a hook-up; however, when we reconnected that fateful night. I knew it was meant to be. Of course that was the case, how could it not be when you had this."

Jacob gestured towards his body dramatically.

I guess I'll have to have "the conversation."

"Jacob, New Year's was a mista—"

"Hush, Eddie," Jacob interrupted and placed his finger over my mouth.

"Edward," I mumbled.

"I know you are still scared of what is happening here…" he motioned between our two bodies "…I've been waiting for you to realize this and I can wait as long as you need."

I was dumbfounded for the second time that day. How could he…why did he…what in the world was he thinking?

"I have to run Eddie. I'll catch _you_ later," Jacob said, while emphasizing the "you" with a finger-bop on the nose.

Jacob made his exit and I was left standing perplexed in the alleyway.

Yup, there was no doubt I was a Cullen, when I can't even set _myself _up with a normal person.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :) **

**I must warn you, this story may get a little ridiculous at times. lol. If you're looking for a serious fic in any way, it's not this one. **

**I already know who I'm setting up with Edward and the order it's happening in. Any guesses who's next?  
**

**I actually have a friend that names some of her possessions. Her car, TV, and computer to name a few. lol**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and/or added this story to your alerts. I _loved_ all of your reviews. I'm glad to hear everyone is enjoying the story.  
**

**What crazy encounter will happen next...  
**

* * *

"Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!"

_For the love of God, whose ass do I have to kick?_

I groaned and rolled over to find Alice standing on my bed, bouncing up and down.

_Just Alice, I could take her. _

I sighed and placed the pillow over my head. What was she on that made her so awake in the morning?

"Alice, did you know by saying that expression, you're implying there are eggs and bacon already made?"

The bouncing stopped. "Oh. Well…never mind then. Just, get up!"

She laughed and pulled the pillow off my face.

_No, this is good. I _wanted_ to be tortured today._

"Wait!" I sat up quickly. "How did you get in my apartment?"

"With a key, of course." Alice beamed, jumped off the bed and left the room.

_Oh, of course, she used a key. Why didn't I think— _

Within five seconds I left the comfort of my bed to find Alice in the kitchen.

"Alice, what do you mean a key? What key are you talking about?

Alice grinned, walked over to the coffee pot and poured some coffee into a mug.

"The key I copied from yours, when I looked after your apartment last Halloween. Here have some coffee." She put the mug in my hand, flipped out her cell phone, and started to text.

"Oh, thanks."

_Mmm, coffee. Can't start my day without—_

"Alice, what do you mean the copy you made? Hand it over."

She nonchalantly shrugged while reaching into her pocket and placed the key in my hand.

She did that far too easily. There was _no _fight whatsoever.

"Alice, this had better be the _only _copy you made."

She gawked at me, while placing a hand over her chest, implying that she would _never_ do such a thing.

I rolled my eyes at her antics. _Of course, sweet little Alice would _never_ do such a misdeed._

I sighed and ran my hand over my face, trying to wake myself up.

"What brings you over this early?"

"Besides torturing you?"

"Of course."

"I wanted to see if you were ready for your date!"

Ah, yes, the "date." Only one day after my date with Angela – and unpleasant encounter with Jake – I received a call from Esme informing me of my next set up. After receiving the woman's information, I texted her and we agreed to meet today at 11:00 am for coffee.

_Yes, like I mentioned, I was addicted to the stuff. Admitting it was the first step. I swear I'll quit after my birthday…five years from now. _

"So, you're meeting at Peter's coffee shop?" Alice asked. My head snapped up to look at her, which almost made me spit out my coffee. How did she know?

"You're probably wondering how I knew that," Alice the mind reader stated with a far too pleasant tone.

"Yeah, sort of." By sort of, I meant yes, I want to know. I wouldn't be surprised if she bugged my phone.

_She had better not be touching Bob!_

"Don't you know who you are going on a date with?" Alice exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.

_Geez, it's way too early in the morning to be dealing with Alice._

"Yes. Esme said her name was Isabella or something like that."

Alice grinned like the Chesire Cat, which kind of frightened me.

"Bella Swan! Don't you remember, Edward? She moved here for our senior year of high school before going away to college. I know you didn't see much of her but I hung out with her at school. Well…" Alice paused for dramatic effect, while I tried not to fall asleep standing up. "…she's moving back here, permanently!"

Alice squealed, grabbed both of my hands and jumped up and down. Thank the coffee God that I finished my cup or I would have had second degree burns.

"Since you're so fond of her, I'm surprised you didn't pick her to be my date."

"Oh, no. If this is my last chance, I'm going to make it count. Not that I don't want anything to happen with Bella because that would be just as good. It's a win-win for me!"

"Well, as long as it's a win-win for you, Alice."

"I know right!"

_Geez._

"This is what you have to do, Edward. You need to…"

That was about the point I tuned her out. I just nodded and moved Alice toward the door, occasionally agreeing with her. For all I know she was telling me to wear a leopard printed tutu.

"You got that, Edward?"

I grunted a response and shut the door.

_I need to invest in a guard dog._

~-~#~-~

When I arrived at the coffee shop, I made sure to head straight for the counter to get myself another cup of coffee. It was going to be a long day and I was awoken far too early by Alice.

"Hey, Edward, the usual?" Charlotte asked from behind the counter, I became quite the regular over the past couple of years.

I grinned and nodded. "Thanks."

After taking a seat, I decided to look around for Bella. Hopefully I would recognize her. I didn't talk to her much in high school, but from what I recall, she was a shy girl who always had her head in a book.

I would have to think of a way of letting her down without scaring her off. If Bella was going to be friends with Alice then the situation could become uncomfortable.

I craned my neck around, trying to look at every corner of the shop. Then it happened, like a moth to the flame, my gaze stopped on _him_. He sat at a booth to my left. To put it bluntly, he was gorgeous. Apparently, I have started to call other men gorgeous.

_At least I didn't say pretty. _

He was leaning over his booth, intently reading the newspaper while sipping at his coffee.

_Great…now I can't stop looking at his lips. _

Could he be gay?

_Of course he is gay, do you not see the blonde highlights._

That meant nothing, for all I knew those were natural.

_Yeah, about as natural as Pamela Anderson's breasts. _

I didn't evade me that this was the first time I was so blatantly drawn to a man. Not that I haven't found other men attractive but never had I wanted to go out of my way to talk to one. I just let them come to me. Not him though, not Mystery Man.

_Just great, now images of him dressed in a mask and cape comes to mind. Mystery Man to save the day! Yup, it is official, I'm nuts. _

What was I supposed to do? When did I turn back into a teenager? Next thing you know, I'll be experimenting with Paul behind the bleachers at school again.

_Well, I don't know but you have to stop staring. You look like a crazy person. _

Shit. I needed to turn away. At least he hadn't seen me yet. Yup…any minute now I'll turn away and return to the land of the sane.

_Oh, what the hell. What will another five seconds hurt?_

As if God himself heard my thoughts and decided to see Edward Cullen squirm again, Mystery Man turned in my direction.

_Shit. _

At first he looked startled to see me staring at him, which didn't surprise me. If I saw anyone gawking at me, I would have been freaked out too.

_Double shit._

I was about to channel my inner ostridge and go bury my head in the dirt, but he did something unexpected. After ten very long seconds of staring at me quizzically, he smiled at me and not just any smile, a sexy half-smirk kind of smile. Maybe I was delusional, come to think about it…I probably was delusional, but a man can dream.

What if I went over and talked to—

"Hey, Edward."

_Stupid brunette standing in my way of Mystery Man. _

I tried to look around my road block. _What was he doing? Checking his phone for the time? Can't see…need to…_

I heard a throat clear. "Umm, Edward?"

_Oh._

I looked down to see the stupid brunette was none other than my date.

_Oops._

Startled, I stood up quickly and what commenced next, I liked to call the most awkward hug of all times. You knew how those usually went. You haven't seen someone in a long time, but you never really knew them that well in the first place, so you go in for a very timid hug. Your ass is sticking out, because God forbid your pelvises get anywhere near each other. The hug lasts for about three seconds then you break apart so fast you would have thought the other person was made of acid.

When we pulled apart, almost immediately my gaze went over toward Mystery Man. However, he was gone and the only thing that remained was a lone coffee mug.

_Son of a bitch!_

~-~#~-~

I followed Bella to a small table in the corner of the shop. She was just as nice as I had remembered. From the whole two times we hung out…

Honestly, she was a sweet girl and if I were straight, I would have found her extremely attractive. Bella had these intense brown eyes, which made her look very innocent. I was genuinely surprised she didn't have a boyfriend. It was probably just due to her recent move.

This meeting wasn't a total bust. I could easily picture staying friends with Bella. It _has _happened before. _One_ other time my family set me up with a normal girl, too bad she wasn't a guy, we would have hit it off. Her name was Kate, within five minutes she called me out on being gay and I ended up spilling my entire life story.

_No matter what she says, there were no tears involved!_

I couldn't tell you how she figured it out, but we became close friends. I was disappointed when she moved down to San Diego with her fiancé. Kate was one of the few that knew my secret and it was nice to be able to talk to someone about it.

After a half hour of catching up with Bella, an idea formed in my head. What if Bella could my new Kate? My hopes soared. Bella seemed like such a normal individual. It would be a nice break from my family.

I was about to ask her about her new apartment but she spoke first.

"Edward, you seem like a nice guy but I have to be straight with you."

_This doesn't sound good._

No, I was jumping to conclusions. Bella wasn't a crazy. Nope, I wouldn't believe it.

I couldn't help it when my mind raced with the different possibilities of what could be wrong with her. Maybe she was on the run from the law. Maybe she kidnapped unsuspecting tourists to harvest their organs and sell them on the black market.

I really needed to stop watching horror movie marathons before I fall asleep.

"I'm already in love with someone else."

_Oh._

Could it be true? Could there actually be a _normal _reason for this "relationship" not to continue.

"That's great, Bella. Are they from around here or back at Phoenix? Anyone I know?"

Bella looked around thoughtfully before smiling wide. Her goofy grin made me smile.

Was that what being in love looked like?

"Well…I actually haven't met him yet."

_Oh, no. This doesn't sound good. Wait, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. There could be plenty of reasonable explanations, maybe she met a guy online and hasn't met him in person yet. There. Perfectly reasonable. _

"Oh, but you've talked to him already? On the phone or on the internet?"

Bella scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I wish."

_No, don't tell me the crazies got to Bella too. Say it isn't so!_

"Here, let me show you," Bella stated, excitedly. She hoisted her huge purse onto her lap and rummaged through the contents.

_Why did every female carry around such a large purse? What in the world do they keep in there?_

"Ah, here it is."

She pulled out a worn out book and held it standing up on the table. I leaned in closer to read the title.

"_Afterlight_? What is this? Are you in love with the author?" I asked, speculatively.

So far that sounded like the best outcome to this conversation.

Bella snorted a laugh. "Heavens, no. The author is a woman. No offense to her, I'm attracted to the male population."

_You won't be hearing any arguments from me. _

Bella leaned back in her chair, and flipped through the pages. "I'm in love with the star of the book, of course!"

"Is it a biography?" I asked, hopefully.

_Please tell me that is the case. _

Bella leaned forward before placing the book on the table and smiled up at me. "Nope."

_We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Bella's sanity. She once was a sane girl, but, sadly that is a thing of the past. No one can really say for sure what caused her to convert over to the other side. Maybe her time was up the second she came in contact with a Cullen. We tend to do that to people. It is one of those mysteries in life that we will never know the answer. _

"He's just perfect, Edward!"

I was knocked back into reality – if one would call it that – to realize Bella had started to gush. She looked at me with wide eyes, waiting for my response.

I slowly let out a breath and roughly ran my hand down my face.

_Here goes nothing._

"Um, who?"

"Ethan, of course! He's the perfect person. Well…not _technically_ a person, but that's another story."

"What is he then, if he's not a person? What's left, an animal?"

"Eww, no. Don't be silly, Edward. Ethan's an immortal, of course."

"Oh, of course. Silly me."

_Yup…silly not insane me…_

I needed to turn my beverage into an Irish coffee.

_I wonder if they carry whiskey here._

"He's in love with Morgana…"

"Who's Morgana?"

"Shh, Edward. Don't interrupt."

_Well, ok then._

"Morgana is a human and Ethan is an immortal. They fall in love, but Ethan doesn't want to risk hurting Morgana. However, they overcome the impossible and end up together forever."

"It sounds…wonderful."

"It really is! You should read it, and then you will truly know what true love is."

I slowly nodded at Bella, unsure of what to say. Her face morphed into a look of pity. She reaches across the table and grasped my hand.

_What in the world is she doing? _

I gave her a quizzical look. Bella took a deep breath and clutched her chest with her other hand.

"I'm _so _sorry, Edward. I was hoping that _you_ would be my Ethan, especially with my return to Washington and rekindling my relationship with your sister. It would have been perfect."

_Should I be upset that a fictional character was chosen over me? _

I looked over at Bella who had tears forming in her eyes.

_Nope, I don't think I'm upset over this._

"I hope you can forgive me one day," Bella stated, as she let go of my hand and grasped the book to her chest.

"Um…don't worry about it. I'm sure the pain will lessen over time."

"I know it will." Bella looked down at the book one more time, smiled and returned it "Monstro" or her purse, whatever you wanted to call it.

_How am I going to get out of this? Maybe I could fake my appendix bursting. Faking a seizure would draw too much attention or…_

"He's just so perfect in every way."

_Apparently, the gushing isn't over._

"Ethan cares about your safety; he follows you and makes sure nothing ever happens to you. Sometimes you don't even know he's there! Ethan wants to know everything about you; he even likes to watch you sleep."

"So, you want to date an obsessive stalker?" I arch my eyebrow at her, giving her a questioning look. This was the type of guy chosen over me?

Wait, why was I questioning this? I really needed to get the hell out of Dodge.

"What? No! Why do you say that? Ethan is just very protective. He wants to know where you are at all times, so you don't get hurt. He will do things for you, even though you told him not to. He does it for your own good. He is so in love with you, that he doesn't even like it when you talk to other guys."

Bella looked off in the distance and sighed.

"Oh…so you want a jealous, controlling boyfriend that makes all your decisions for you?"

I was started to get confused. Was this what girls were really after? Thank God I wasn't straight.

"No, of course not! I don't think you are getting it. Ethan is just…he's just perfect. He actually can't get enough of your presence. Everything about you drives him mad. He craves you, even your smell is addicting to him."

Bella looked at me expectantly. Waiting for me to confirm I finally understood what she was saying.

"Oh, ok, I think I get it."

Bella smiled and let out a breath in relief. "Good."

"You want to date a drug addict?"

"What? No!" Bella threw her hands up in frustration and quickly started to pack up the rest of her belongings. "Edward, I'm sorry to say you aren't what I'm looking for. You just don't belong in my world."

_Thank God for that._

Bella threw on her coat and put her hood up. Why was she doing that?

She must have noticed my perplexed stare because she let out a frustrating breath.

"It's to block the sun. I don't want to become tan." She threw Monstro over her shoulder and mumbled, "Why does everyone find that weird?"

_Well, there is the fact you live in _Washington_ and it's not like many people get a tan in _February_._

She set off towards the exit. However, before she could get out the door, Bella turned around and gave me intense look. I may have recoiled slightly in my chair, but one can't be 100% positive in these kinds of situations.

_Fine, I'll admit it, that look gave me the ebby jeebies._

"Don't let this deter you, Edward. One day I _will _find my Ethan and you will find _your _Morgana."

With that loud declaration, Bella was out of the door, marching down the sidewalk and – for some odd reason – withdrawing from the sun.

Ignoring the stares of the shop's occupants, I couldn't help but mull over Bella's words. She may be crazy, but that doesn't mean she lacks _some _truth_._

Will I ever find my Morgana? Could I keep lurking in the shadows, having one-night stands and never committing to anything?

My mind immediately flashed to Mystery Man. Maybe it was time to put myself out there, maybe I could give the whole commitment thing a chance. Maybe I could get off my ass and make the first move. I would still wait awhile before introducing anyone to the Cullen squad of doom.

Maybe finding "my Morgana" meant meeting Mystery Man.

_If not, well…at least it was a start. _

_

* * *

_**Well..I don't really know what to say after that, except I hoped you enjoyed the chapter! :) lol**_  
_


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